Batman in "Bat-Mite's Big Blunder"
From 2009, a Batman YA chapter book I wrote for Stone Arch Books, originally titled "Bat-Mite's Good Deed," with art by Greg Schigiel and Lee Loughridge.
Happy Batman Day 2026!
CHAPTER ONE: BATMAN’S BUSY WEEK
Only minutes ago, the quiet of the dark and rainy Gotham City night had been broken by the loud ringing of a burglar alarm at Robin’s Jewelry Store on Schiff Avenue. Two blocks away, on 27th Street, another alarm began to blare at Byrd’s Stamp Gallery. A moment later, a third blast of bells joined the night chorus from across town at Aves Art Gallery.
The sleek, dark Batmobile screeched to a stop on 27th Street. The shadowy figure of Batman jumped from the car and raced inside Tipton’s Stamp Gallery. Moments later, five police cars with flashing red lights zoomed down the street, bringing a squad of police officers who also ran inside the dark gallery.
The man watching from a rooftop across 27th Street from Tipton’s did not seem to care that the drenching rain ran off the brim of his bright green bowler hat. He waited, silent and unmoving, until, minutes later, the policemen and Batman came out of the gallery leading the Penguin and his three henchmen away in handcuffs.
“I warned the Penguin that Batman would figure out his scheme, but when is a warning like a group of cows in a field? Only when it’s heard,” the man said softly to himself.
“Tee-hee, that’s funny,” squeaked an excited voice behind him.
“Who’s there?” gasped the man in the green hat. He whirled in surprise.
There was no one! Before him was only the empty roof and falling rain.
“No, no, up here,” said the voice.
The man looked up and gasped again. He raised the cane topped with a question mark-shaped handle he carried and shook it, “Wh-what are you supposed to be?”
“You’re the Riddler...you figure it out,” giggled the little man who stood floating above him in mid-air. He had a round tummy, a merry smile, and a jolly twinkle in his eyes. He wore a loose-fitting Batman costume with a lopsided bat-logo stitched on the chest and one bent ear.
All his life, Edward Nigma loved riddles, so when he became a criminal, he took the name of the Riddler. He used crazy riddles and strange puzzles to tease Batman about his upcoming crimes. Nothing he could think of explained a floating Leprechaun in a Batman costume. Speechless, he could only shake his head.
“Oh boy! I stumped the Riddler,” the little man squealed in delight. “I’m Bat-Mite, from the magical Fifth Dimension. We watch what goes on Earth all the time. That’s how I learned about Batman and became his number one fan. Sometimes, I like to visit and help him fight crime.”
Bat-Mite came lower and stopped when he was at eye level with the Riddler. “Batman yells a lot and pretends to hate it when I do, but I know that deep down, he’s really quite happy to see me,” he whispered.
“Er...yes,” said the Riddler, struck with a sudden idea. “We all love Batman too! We know how much fun he has solving mysteries and figuring out crimes, so we wanted to give him a real challenge...kind of like a game. Why, he’s having so much fun, he’s been on the move all week playing with us.”
The Riddler sighed and looked down at the street as the police car carrying the crooked bird to jail drove away and said, “Now that he’s caught the Penguin, I suppose it’s up to me to come up with a really great mystery for him, all by myself.”
“Let me help, Riddler! Please, please, please!” Bat-Mite cried in excitement.
“What a wonderful idea,” said the Riddler with a sly smile. “You can help me make up a, er…game so big, they’ll make Batman the happiest Caped Crusader on Earth.”
“Oooh,” said Bat-Mite with a huge smile. “Yes, let’s do that!”
*
As dawn began to light the streets of Gotham City, the Batmobile returned to the Batcave. The great cave was hidden beneath Wayne Manor, the home of Batman’s secret identity, billionaire Bruce Wayne.
Bruce had discovered the cave and the countless bats who lived there when he was just a boy. Later, after his parents had been cruelly murdered by a thief and he became Batman to protect other innocent people from criminals, he made it his secret headquarters. He filled the underground cavern with the world’s fastest computers, the finest laboratory and most modern crime-fighting equipment to help in his war against crime.
“Good morning, Master Bruce,” said Alfred Pennyworth.
Alfred was a tall, thin man with a little mustache and English accent. He had been Bruce’s parent’s butler. After their deaths, Alfred had raised the young orphan. Whether he was acting as Bruce Wayne or Batman, the billionaire crime-fighter knew he could always rely on Alfred to be waiting for him when he came home.
“Hello, Alfred,” Batman said in a tired voice. He took the glass of orange juice his butler held out to him and quickly drank it down.
“Thank you,” said Batman.
“You sound tired, sir,” said Alfred.
“I am,” Batman admitted. He pulled the cowl from his face and rubbed his eyes. “I haven’t gotten much sleep since those ten villains escaped from Arkham.”
“With the Penguin under arrest, that leaves only the Riddler still free,” Alfred said. “You need some sleep, Master Bruce.”
“I’ll sleep,” said Bruce Wayne, “as soon as the Riddler is back behind bars.”
CHAPTER TWO: HOTEL HOLD-UP
After taking a shower and eating the big breakfast Alfred made for him, Bruce Wayne put on a clean costume and drove away in the Batmobile to continue his search for the Riddler. The villain liked to tease and confuse Batman by leaving clues in the form of riddles to his crimes. The Riddler might outwit him at first, but the Dark Knight Detective always won in the end.
It had been many days since the Riddler had committed one of his puzzling crimes. Batman was sure that whatever he was planning, it was going to be big.
The private radio link with Gotham City’s Police Commissioner James Gordon buzzed.
Batman tapped a button and said, “Yes, Commissioner?”
“It’s what you’ve been waiting for, Batman,” said Commissioner Gordon. “A message from the Riddler! It says ‘What comes once in a minute, twice in a moment, but never in one thousand years?”
“That’s easy,” Batman said. “The answer is the letter ‘M’. Hmm, I wonder if that’s a clue pointing to the new Millennium Hotel downtown on Haney Street…?”
“Of course,” snapped the commission. “The giant lighted ‘M’ on its roof is visible from all over the city...”
“…And a collection of rare and valuable Chinese gold and jeweled puzzle dolls on display in the hotel’s lobby is just the sort of prize the Riddler can’t resist,” finished Batman. “I’m on my way, Commissioner!”
*
A bellhop in the bright green uniform of the Millennium Hotel pushed a cart piled high with suitcases, bags and trunks into the hotel’s grand lobby. The great stack of baggage was taller than the bellboy.
“Excuse me,” he called out. “Coming through, please! Excuse me!”
He was puffing hard as he pushed the heavy cart. He rolled it past the display case in the center of the lobby, next to a large marble fountain decorated with birds that sprayed a beautiful dome of water under a changing display of different colored lights.
Two security guards protected the display case that held six dolls in the shapes of six ancient Chinese emperors. The dolls were over one thousand years old. Each was two feet tall and made of solid gold and decorated with priceless jewels and gems.
Five of the beautiful, glittering dolls were standing proudly in the case. The sixth lay in pieces to show that these great works of art were also great and wonderful puzzles.
Looking at the priceless dolls, the bellhop stumbled and tripped, losing his grip on the baggage cart.
“Whoops!” he shouted in surprise. The baggage cart bumped to a stop against the display case.
“Hey, are you okay, pal?” asked the nearest security guard as he offered a hand to help the bellhop back to his feet.
“When is a stumble like a relaxing ride through the country?” answered the bellhop, grabbing the guard’s hand.
“Huh?” answered the startled guard.
“When it’s a just little trip!” said the bellhop, who began to giggle loudly.
With that, he pulled the other man to the ground just as the huge pile of luggage on the baggage cart popped open like a blossoming flower. Hidden inside were two men. One grabbed the second security guard. The other carried a sledgehammer.
“Hit it, boys,” said the Riddler, whipping out his familiar green question-mark bowler hat and plopping it on his head.
The man with the sledgehammer raised it, ready to smash the display case.
“Don’t bother breaking it,” called a voice from above. “It’s not as though you’re going anywhere with those dolls, Riddler!”
The Riddler looked up and smiled.
“Batman!” he cried happily. “I thought you’d never get here!”
Batman leapt from the small balcony overlooking the lobby on which stood, swinging on a Bat-rope.
Just as he swung over the middle of the lobby, the great marble fountain erupted in an explosion of water from below. Batman gasped as the wall of water slammed into him. His fingers slipped from the rope and he plunged into the fountain, stunned.
The Caped Crusader struggled to his feet in the cold water of the slippery fountain, but the Riddler and his men were gone, taking the Chinese puzzle dolls with them.
“How the devil did the Riddler do that?” he asked himself.
From somewhere high above, Batman thought he heard somebody giggling. When he looked around, no one was there.
CHAPTER THREE: THE RIDDLE OF THE RIDDLE
“How is it possible that no one saw the Riddler and his men escape with the statues?” Batman asked.
“Witnesses said after you fell into the fountain, there were a lot of people running around and yelling,” said Commissioner Gordon. “The Riddler probably slipped away in the confusion. It’s not like they could have magically disappeared.”
“No, I suppose not,” said Batman, rubbing his chin.
Before Commissioner Gordon could reply, a policeman raced over with a piece of green paper in his hand. It was decorated with a large black question mark.
“Sir,” the officer said. “We just found this on the seat of our patrol car!”
Batman took the paper. “It says, ‘When one does not know what it is, then it is something; but when one knows what it is, then it is nothing.’”
“Did you see anybody near you car?” Gordon asked the officer.
“No, sir,” he said with a shake of his head. “One second, there was nothing there, the next, there it was. Like...like magic.”
“A riddle!” said Batman.
Commissioner Gordon and the policeman looked at Batman in surprise.
“The answer to the riddle is ‘a riddle,’” said Batman.
“I don’t get it,” said the confused policeman.
“I do,” said Batman. “and this time, there won’t be any fountain for me to fall in.”
*
“Did I do a good job, huh, did I, Riddler?” Bat-Mite asked, back in the Riddler’s hideout. The Riddler turned in his seat and smiled his best smile at the happy, giggling imp. “You sure did, little buddy,” he said. “Your magic got us and our loot out of that hotel without anyone seeing a thing.”
“I also put the next clue in that policeman’s car,” said Bat-Mite. “Oh boy, can you imagine how much fun Batman’s going to have trying to figure out this out?”
“I sure can, pal,” said the Riddler with a chuckle. “I sure can!”
*
A set of great stone steps lead up to the entrance to the Gotham City Museum of Art. Visitors came from everywhere to visit the treasures its grand halls held.
On this day, many of those crowding into the Museum were there to see a painting called “Funny Money” by modern artist Roger Marshall. Others came to view works of art from every age and from all over the world, from ancient carvings to modern art.
One of those treasures was a sculpture called ‘Riddle,’ by the famous Gotham City artist, Jerrold Robinson. The life-size steel statue was of a man sitting with his chin resting on his fist, a sad and confused look on his face. In his other hand he held a large question market. The statue sat alone in the gallery, under a skylight that filled the room with sunlight.
A helicopter flew down from the sky. It slowed over the Museum and then hovered directly over the skylight. A heavy object attached to a rope was thrown from the helicopter, smashing the glass. There were screams of fear as people ran from the room.
Crash!
The object was a magnet! It swung back and forth until it was close enough to the steel statue for the magnet to stick to it with a loud clang.
Batman came running into the room just as the helicopter started raising the statue.
“That’s staying here, Riddler,” Batman snapped. With a mighty leap, the Dark Knight grabbed the statue. He climbed over the cold, hard steel and began to pull himself up the rope.
The Riddler leaned from the helicopter, waving and shouting, “Hey, Batman…when should you worry about having a good winter?”
The comedic criminal produced a pair of giant scissors from inside the helicopter.
“When it follows a bad fall!” the Riddler shouted and cut the rope!
With a shout of surprise, Batman and the statue fell back towards the museum floor far below. Above him, the helicopter flew away.
CHAPTER FOUR: BAT-MITE’S SURPRISE!
Even as the Dark Knight fell, he reached into his utility belt for his Bat-grapple.
Pfffftt!
The grapple thumped into the ceiling beside the broken skylight. With a jerk, Batman stopped falling and swung safely to the floor.
With a loud crash, the precious statue also hit the floor and shattered into a million pieces!
“Steel can’t break that way!” said Batman in surprise. He examined a piece. “Great Scott! It’s not steel...it’s plaster!” Batman exclaimed. “But...that’s impossible! I saw the Riddler’s magnet pick up the steel statue...and unless Riddler’s become a magician, there was no time for him to have switched the real ‘Riddle’ for this plaster fake.”
A piece of green paper stuck out of the pile of broken pieces. Another clue from the Riddler!
“’He who has it doesn't tell it. He who takes it doesn't know it. He who knows it doesn't want it. What is it?’” Batman read aloud.
The Dark Knight crumpled the green paper in his fist.
“Hmm, something you don’t know that you have and wouldn’t accept if you knew what it was,” he said softly to himself. “Of course...counterfeit money!”
Moments later, Batman was back in the Batmobile and on the radio to Commissioner Gordon.
“The Riddler left a clue about counterfeit money,” said the Dark Knight.
“You mean fake money?” said the Commissioner’s voice over the radio. “It’s also called phony money, or funny money and if the bad guys, called forgers, who make them do a good enough job, only an expert can tell it’s not real.”
Commissioner Gordon continued, “We’ve been holding $100 million in counterfeit money we took from forgers here at police headquarters. In fact, the armored car taking it to be burned at the City Dump left here ten minutes ago!”
“That’s it!” said Batman. “The Riddler plans to steal that funny money at the Dump! I’ll meet you there, Commissioner!”
“We’ll be ready for him this time,” Gordon said.
“I’ve got you now, Riddler,” Batman said, smiling to himself. “And none of your tricks will protect you this time.”
*
“All units near Gotham City Dump,” crackled the voice from the police radio. “Commissioner Gordon has ordered all units to surround the City Dump and be on the look out for an armored car…”
The Riddler giggled as he turned off the radio with a flick of his wrist.
“Perfect!” laughed the criminal king of clues.
“It sure is,” said Bat-Mite with a giggle. “Why?”
“Because of you, my little friend,” said the Riddler, doing a happy little dance. “Thanks to your magical powers switching the real statue for the fake plaster one, both the police and Batman are clueless...even after I’ve given them the clue!”
“Bet Batman’s having the time of his life trying to figure it out, huh, Riddler?” Bat-Mite squealed with excitement.
“When is a bet not a bet?” asked the Riddler.
“I give up,” Bat-Mite said. “When? When?”
“When it’s a sure thing!” laughed the Riddler.
“Yay!” cheered Bat-Mite. “Uh...what’s a ‘sure thing,’ Riddler?”
“It’s when something is too easy,” said the Riddler. “And with your help, baffling old Batman is easier than ‘Why did the chicken cross the road?’”
“Oh, it is, is it?” said Bat-Mite to himself. He turned his head so that the Riddler would not see his sly little smile or the mischievous twinkle in his eyes.
*
The sleek black Batmobile sped carefully through the Gotham City traffic. Behind the wheel, Batman knew he had no time to waste. If he was correct, the Riddler would need almost no time to grab his loot and disappear.
“Where are you, Commissioner?” Batman asked over the police radio.
“We have the City Dump surrounded,” said the police commissioner. “We’re waiting for you, Batman.”
“I’ll be there in three minutes,” said Batman. He turned off the radio and smiled.
*
“Did you hear what Batman said, Bat-Mite?” said the Riddler, pointing to his police radio. “He’s going to be at the City Dump in three minutes!”
Bat-Mite clasped his hands over his mouth to stop his happy giggling. “Three minutes! Shouldn’t we get started?”
“Yes, we should,” said the Riddler. “I’m ready when you are, pal!”
With a wink of his eye and the shake of his head, Bat-Mite and the Riddler disappeared, as if by magic.
CHAPTER FIVE: THE BIG SNEEZE
An instant later, the Riddler and Bat-Mite popped magically into the room alongside the treasure the Riddler sought.
“Why is Batman so unhappy?” cried the Riddler, throwing his arms wide open as if to hug his prize...Roger Marshall’s painting, “Funny Money,” hanging on display in the Gotham City Museum of Art!
The painting was of different kinds of money, dollar bills and quarters, pennies and $100 dollar bills, but each with something strange or funny about I, such as Abraham Lincoln giving the thumbs up or George Washington and Thomas Jefferson high-fiving each other from their coins.
“Because when he finds out I’m robbing the museum for the second time, he’ll be down in the dump!” laughed the Riddler, answering his own question. “Get it...in the dump because Batman thought I was going to steal the funny money at the City Dump!”
“Better try a different riddle, Riddler,” said Batman as he swung down from above on his Batrope.
The Riddler whirled in surprise. “Batman?” he gasped “But on the police radio...you said you were going to the City Dump--?!”
“When I saw the answer to your riddle could be about two different crimes, I thought you might be listening in,” said Batman.
“Good work, detective,” said the criminal. “But I’ve learned a few new tricks since the last time we met!”
The Riddler ripped the painting from the wall. A loud alarm began to ring.
“Tell me, Batman, why do sharks swim in salt water?” the Riddler cried as he turned to flee with his prize under one arm. As he ran, he tossed a handful of black powder at Batman’s face.
“Because pepper water makes them sneeze! Ha ha ha!” said the villain.
“Uh-oh! Looks like Riddler’s having another ‘sure thing,’” said Bat-Mite, watching from his hiding place behind a suit of armor. “That must be so boring for him...and he’s been so nice to Batman all day, coming up with these fun games for him to play.”
The little imp winked his eye and shook his head. In the corner of the room, a large fan that was used on hot days suddenly switched on. A powerful blast of air from the fan blew the Riddler’s own pepper cloud back at him.
When the master of riddles turned his head to see if Batman was following him, he received a face full of his own black pepper.
“Ah-choo!” sneezed the Riddler. “Ah-choo!”
With another wink and shake, Bat-Mite’s magic made a large tapestry, which is a giant blanket with pictures woven into it, drop from the wall. It landed on top of the sneezing Riddler, covering him completely.
In seconds, the Riddler was crawling out from under the tapestry, sniffling and sneezing and with his eyes watering.
He bumped into the waiting Batman’s legs.
“Ooof,” said the Riddler. “Ah-choo!”
“I have a riddle for you, Riddler,” Batman said as he hauled the sneezing criminal to his feet.
“What’s eight feet by eight feet square and has bars on the doors and windows?”
“I know, I know,” squealed an excited Bat-Mite. The little imp came skipping out from hiding, waving his hand in the air. “The answer is...a jail cell!”
“So it was you helping the Riddler, Bat-Mite!” said Batman.
“Ah-choo!” said the miserable Riddler.
“Bet you’re surprised, huh, Batman?” said Bat-Mite.
“Not really,” said Batman. “Magic was the only explanation for how the Riddler escaped me at the hotel and switched the steel statue for the plaster one at the museum. Usually, when I’m having trouble with magic, you’re not far behind, Bat-Mite.”
“Gee, Batman, I only helped the Riddler so he could make up a really great mystery for you to solve” said the fifth dimensional imp. “Did it work? Did you have fun?”
As much as he wanted to be angry with Bat-Mite, the Caped Crusader knew that he really wanted to help. Still, Batman decided, the little imp should go home where he could not make more trouble for the people of Gotham City.
“Er...yes, Bat-Mite, I had fun. Thank you,” said Batman. “Just promise me you won’t help anyone break the law ever again, for any reason.”
“Okay, Batman, I promise,” said Bat-Mite. “So, what’s our next case, partner?”
“Uhm...you haven’t received your medal for helping me solve this case yet!” said Batman.
“A…medal!?” exclaimed Bat-Mite. “For me?”
Batman removed a shiny silver disk from his utility belt. It was really a Bat-Tracking device but to the wide-eyed Bat-Mite, it looked like the biggest medal in the world. Batman stuck the disk to the front of Bat-Mite’s costume.
“Uh...yes,” Batman said. “I award you…Batman’s Silver Medal, to thank you for helping me capture the Riddler.”
“Wow! I can hardly wait for all the guys back in the Fifth Dimension to see this,” said Bat-Mite. He was dancing a happy little dance and admiring his medal. “Would you mind terribly if I went home to show them, Batman?”
“Not at all,” Batman smiled. “I’m sure everyone will be very proud of you.”
“Thanks, partner,” giggled Bat-Mite. He waved and disappeared in a magical puff of smoke.
The Caped Crusader looked at the Riddler and smiled. “I hope that was as much fun for you as it was for me,” he said.
“Ah-choo!” the Riddler sneezed.
“Geshundteit!” Batman said.
THE END
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